The Universe Universe-ing

A personal story on choosing faith over fear

I texted my sister, like I often do after I get a text from my mom about some new, strange, experimental surgery or procedure they want to try.

“Thoughts on MRI?” I said.

“Trust and faith.” She responds.

Normally, I am anticipating an explanation from my scientific sister, so with that response, my heart sank.

I thought, faith? FAITH? It’s post “Easter,” a religious celebration I grew up with. They say Catholic school girls are leant a different lens towards the idea of faith. It is not that I distrust or ridicule religious institutions, but such a large part of me sees the folly and cannot unsee it.

These sects around the world anticipating the “goodness of Friday” and “rising of Easter.” Their understanding of godly-ness tied to an external deity, outside of themselves…why implore the godly-ness of myself, why look within, when I’m taught everything is outside of me?

I realize it sounds like cynicism, the woes of a girl who sees jest in drinking wine and calling it blood, and perhaps it is my own shadow work that needs to be done, to further understand why I feel triggered by the word “faith.”

I read her text and grappled with the word for my entire work shift.

Faith, faith, faith. I repeated to myself. What the hell is faith. My frustration briefly clouded my judgement and openness to the term.

Well I know what faith is, I preach it to myself every morning. Dr. Joe Dispenza tells me to “have faith in the unknown,” “ be open to the possibilities of the multiple potentials.”

Abraham Hicks says, “faith is knowing something is going to happen because you are energetically ready to receive, surrendering to the outcome you desire.”

All of these affirmations, I trained my brain to repeat, were necessary now.

I so badly wanted to cry, leave work maybe and bury myself in the hole of my victim-based mindset.

In a synopsis, my mother’s cancer requires MRI’s to track progression and obviously work swiftly to attack the tumors. A computer, saved her life a week prior, after an oversight from doctors had her almost put in an MRI machine without acknowledging a lead wire in her pace maker in her heart.

The next complication would of course be that she is allergic to the contrast required for CT scans, so those became a non option.

With an MRI becoming necessary, but potentially deadly, the doctors found ONE study out of Finland to base all their hope of her being okay in the MRI machine despite the wire. When we say risk, we mean riskkkkkkkk.

Essentially, my mother had to become the first person to ever have this executed successfully in North America. No pressure.

I swallowed the facts, and made the executive decision, that I was going to do what I had worked on for 3 years: breathe.

Long inhales and exhales, I repeated in my head, “ I attract only positive outcomes, I attract only positive outcomes,” then the critical mind would interrupt, my overbearing ego would create a new negative thought, then my trained meditation brain would force me to start humming.

It has been such a weird twitch that I started doing but, one that works for me. Negative thought, hum, and somehow my throat knows how to conduct the frequency that I listen to in stillness, and bring me back to Earth.

The next day, was the scheduled Super MRI, which also happened to be the day I had to have a rather stressful meeting, and the day I had to get on a plane. What a supernova of everything that could trigger me all bundled nicely in a single day.

I laughed the night before at the cosmic alignment of it all, I repeated my affirmations, and fell asleep.

The next day I woke up and my body tried it’s hardest to hit me first. Boom, gut punch, heat, pain, remember this day is going to be shit, the body tried to say.

The mind took over.

Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.

Mental lists of everything I am grateful for. So cliche, I know, but it works.

Again, I changed my pattern of behavior. I could’ve stayed in bed up until the very last minute I had to get up to go teach my yoga class, but I got up and got into meditation position and allowed Dr. Joe to start my morning as he always does.

Then, as my new routine allows, I pick a completely random Abraham Hicks clip and allow her to deliver my message of the morning. “Woo woo”, I know, but ever since I started doing this every morning, it’s been so transformative.

She is kind of one of those people you have to experience to understand, I am sure hearing her rampages aren’t for everyone, but for me, they have taught me so much, and for some crazy cosmic reasons, they are always exactly what I need to hear.

This morning, she told a story about a mark on the wall.

She explained how she had never seen this massive mark on her wall before but it couldn’t possibly be a new mark, so she joked that her husband might’ve done it and didn’t tell her, but in reality, the lesson was that at any point you can shift your focus and see things you may have not seen before.

The universe is always speaking to us, always affirming we are heading in the right direction, or trying to remind us to trust in it, but we get so absorbed in the redundancy of the day that we miss the messages.

At any point, we can shift our awareness, to creating the reality we desire.

With that message, and my raised vibrations from my meditation, I vowed to stay in alignment throughout this day, despite what is being thrown at me.

I taught my class, I rushed home, meal prepped food for my partner, got on the meeting, packed for 10 minutes, and went to the airport.

Naturally, I tried to squeeze way too much in the day, and I gave myself very little time at the airport. I chose not to panic, because “everything always works out for me,” and I got in the very long line at security with 20 minutes until my flight.

As I’m standing in line, a gentleman comes up to me and goes “we’re giving free trials to people for the skip the line privileges if you want to skip the line, I decided to choose you.” I laughed in my head, of course you did.

Before this gentleman had approached me, this woman had come into my awareness. I always have this notice for fabulous business women. When I was originally checking in, I noticed her. Short blonde bob, pink lipstick, white cashmere sweater, gold Cartier bracelets dangling on both her wrists.

Maybe I notice them so often because we appear to be so opposite, but we are so similar.

As the gentlemanvg escorted me to the front of the line, she happened to be there as well, at the exact same time. She was speaking on a zoom meeting call, and as I briefly listened, I realized she was a lawyer.

As soon as I passed through security, I got my text from my mom that everything went well. Faith…

I made it to my gate with time to spare so I sat down. I noticed the woman once more in my peripheral. 10 minutes later when I was doing some work on my iPad, the same woman came and sat directly beside me.

Strange. There was a million seats everywhere, but she sat right beside me.

As boarding began I got up and went to my seat on the plane, 10 minutes later, there was the woman again, sitting directly beside me.

Just out of basic human curiosity, I started observing her again. She was on her MacBook looking over case files, no wedding ring, and she endlessly fiddled with her gold bracelets.

I pulled out my chakra book, always looking like the endless cliche of hippie-dom in my baggie om yoga pants, baggy army green jacket, crystals hanging from my neck, hands, and wrists, braids and curls draping my face.

She pulls out a book as well.

I wonder what she’s reading…

After brief turbulence that had my breath deepen, I turn to see the cover of her book.

“The Universe Has Your Back, Transforming Fear to Faith.”

Laughter filled my head once more. How many more times do I need to show you that you are divinely guided?

Fear to faith, sounds easier said than done, but that’s what I had done, all day. A message I needed, a message delivered through my awareness of the “mark on the wall,” the woman who was for some reason, around me all day.

Fear will always try to be the lead conductor, dictating your emotions, your actions, and your energy.

It becomes so that the only way to silence the fear is to walk in the faith. The faith that your journey has prepared you for these moments, and the divine always has your back.

The Universe, in all her mystery, will always show up to you but it’s up to us to steer our energetic attention towards the path of least resistance, the path of peace, and the path of faith.