Navigating Negativity & Emotions Related to Imposter Syndrome
Why transitioning from one opportunity to a better one can breed haters and cause self-doubt; but how you can use those things as fuel to keep pushing yourself forward.
I’ve known my whole life I never belonged in the traditional business space. My innate curiosity and inquisition always lead me to asking questions which often left me answer-less or confused.
It would be simple things like:
But why do I have to wear a dress and heels to ‘look nice?,’
But what purpose do uniforms really solve?
But why am I being told where I have to be and when?
But why do we need 20 supervisors?
But why are my days scheduled around somebody else?
But why is the money I make determined by you?
But why am I wasting my talents making somebody else money?
But why am I even here?
Every job I have ever had until recently begged these questions, and the fact that I consistently felt like somebody outside of the box at all these jobs made me feel like I was absolutely different.
It is said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again expecting a different result each time. I don’t know if I entered the workforce already insane or if they made me that way but, I certainly thought each job I had had, would garner a different response within me each time I did it, but that’s just not what happened.
At first, you feel like it is all your problem. I questioned myself daily about whether or not I had a problem with authority that I needed to sort out or that I was just not cut out for the status quo. It turns out it was the latter, and I later learned, despite society’s attempts to make you feel insane, I was actually experiencing feelings similar to those who crave entrepreneurship.
Perhaps many people reading this feel the same, but they cannot figure out how to take that leap of believing in themselves.
It typically always begins with acknowledging the things about you that make you different. I have always had work ethic. As a former athlete it is bred into you. However, even despite that experience, just having the awareness of where you don’t fit in will often navigate you to where you do.
I have been working in hospitality since I graduated university in 2017. When I graduated, I started modeling and as most people in the entertainment industry know, hospitality is really the most realistic route for job security as you need to make time for auditions, traveling, and gigs that might consume a few days. So having the flexibility of hospitality allows arts and entertainers to flourish and define their art by providing time and a solid income.
I remember telling an ex-co-worker that through my 5 years post graduation I have probably worked 10 or so different jobs at 10 or so different locations and environments, not only hospitality but a brief stint in an office, a creator for a non-profit, an English teacher, a dog-walker, and a model/actress.
Like they say, its not the journey, but the destination.
I realized I was a nut-case for many of my employers because of my need to not conform. Call it a symptom of my claustrophobia but feeling confined to the needs of a job made me feel off. The power-tripping, the ego’s, the communication mishaps, it felt like a breeding ground for negativity and suppression of creative expression.
Now I say all of this for those who may feel similar in their current positions, who need to know there is nothing wrong with them and their feelings towards the workforce. But there is nothing wrong with the people who thrive in it either, that’s the true beauty of autonomy and bio -individuality.
I ended up back in hospitality when I moved to America, but I knew this time would be different. I finally embraced my true nature of who I was and what I want out of life and used that to create a different attitude towards showing up to work. I still kept who I was at my core, which was someone never here for the drama that hospitality often brings (some people there have the belief we are performing brain surgery), but someone who sang to her own tune and lived life at the pace of her own stride, while also ALWAYS moving with grace and respect.
This time was different because I had the end goal in sight. I told my partner one night in the shower I said, “I cannot do this anymore. I am fighting my innate nature of freedom and I need to do everything I can to free myself from the restraints I feel working for other people.” I decided that day to really buckle down and really place my energy into my passion of my business. Like I always tell people, words are just words but actions make things happen. I had to become an ACTUAL hard worker, but for myself. And for many of us that is incredibly difficult to learn accountability and time management, but what I can promise you is you never know what you are capable of doing until you do it.
Whenever I would start to feel tired, like even right now before I sat down and wrote this blog I thought ‘I could write, or I could nap.’ Your brain will sometimes put up a fight to get you back into old thinking, old habit patterns, but by overcoming that negative self-talk you gain so much growth and resilience. So, the next time your body is feeling a little lazy, it wont even trigger the message, because it knows the brain will not adhere. Not to mention the fact that I can counter my laziness by purely reminiscing on cleaning a full bar or batching cocktails or sitting in hour long meetings contemplating life and existence to pass the time.
Transitioning to a full-time in-house nutritionist and cook, and full-time freelance yoga teacher two weeks after launching my website was one of the craziest things to ever happen to me. One day, here I am whispering into my morning water bottle all my little manifestations (I will write about water manifestations in a later blog), and the next I am full-blown doing it.
This did not come without my share of negative self-talk and negativity from the job I was moving on from.
I have not therapized with myself enough on why I feel guilty when I am doing well. I think this selfish-paradox within me makes me feel unworthy of an opportunity or incapable. I feel awkward sharing my triumphs and will often say nothing to avoid feeling like I am boasting. I think many people feel this similar sentiment of imposter syndrome, even when your past spells out a “How-To” Manual on “How-To Work Hard, Buckle Down and Quit the Job You Hate to Get the Job You LOVE.”
This guilt I felt enhanced itself after quitting my job as a bartender and feeling instantly like my relationship with my manager that was once positive, turned sour. It was the first time in my life that I had formally turned in a ‘2 weeks,’ which was a milestone in itself because most of the time I would just disappear from the job when I was sick of the vibe or needed something new.
Sometimes I think not receiving support can make you question your decisions. It is like once you feel like someone is not genuinely happy for you, your brain continues to feed that negative outlook with more harmful feelings. It is truly a loop of negativity that neuroscience can actually explain. These things called synapses form from synaptic connections between close in proximity neurons that merge together when the same form of thinking is repeated and therefore, these neural pathways can fire quicker, making your brain addicted to feelings.
What you have to do to counter this requires a level of proactivity. Spot the negative self-talk as soon as it is happening and reverse the sentence from the “I can’t” to “I can.”
What I have also learned is that even in the change of habits and effort of growth, people may still just not want what is best for you, or even care. However, it is in the art of never taking anything personally (Agreement number 2) from one of my favorite books, The Four Agreements, that reminds us that no matter what anybody thinks of you or tries to convolute about you, as long as you know that at your core you did the right thing and moved with grace, that alone should be enough to deter the hate from affecting you.
Through it all what I know for sure is I can truly be no one but myself, and neither can you. Once you learn more about what makes you, you, and start showing up as her/him in any and every situation, and bring awareness of positive intent behind everything you do in the world, nothing can, and nothing will, be able to stop you.